When I think of the Middle Ages I think of castles, Catholicism, and taking your kids to soccer practice.

“Ma’am, I can take either you or your purse, but I can’t take both. And honestly…”

“People don’t know I have a checkered past. I used to be a picnic table cloth.”

“We’re all trying to come to terms with our mortality. Well, except for me, beca…”

“Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me among the cats. And count me twice—once for e…”