When I was little I would always stand in front of a mirror and cross my eyes. Then my mother would come in and say, "Stop that, nothing will ever come of it!

“I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don't…”

“Comedy = tragedy + time.”

“I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?”

“Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.”