When I wear my confessional glove it’s super tempting to give myself a velvet handjob.

“In a hotel, the 14th floor is the 13th floor. And no matter how hard you try to…”

“A root vegetable went missing. Maybe it will turnip in my next bad pun.”

“I was hoping you’d leave the back door open for me, I said as he turned around …”

“I’m so smart that I make everyone around me smarter. I do this by being dumber …”