When I'm in yoga class, and I'm in the Tree Pose, I always pretend I'm the Tree of Knowledge. To help further the fantasy I come to class with my yoga shorts stuffed with two apples.

“If my last name were Bedient, I’d want to Irishize it and have you call me O’Be…”

“My car rides smooth like I’m driving a cloud. If I park it at your house, I may…”

“Mr. and Mrs. Foster are not my foster parents. Also, they’re not even married t…”

“A lawyer, a politician, and a prostitute walk into a bar, and the bartender say…”