When it comes to Schopenhauer, I think I need a To-Go box.

“If your last name were Seldom, I’d use it often.”

“The site of her warmed my heart, like a mitten over my penis. 
Can you please p…”

“I found a pristine lake, undisturbed by man. So, of course I had to clang a few…”

“My new mustache is barely big enough to cover my pubic region.”