When my coffee is gone, so is my motivation.

“When I jog it’s like a dancing dog. Well, it’s more of a foxtrot.”

“If I could fly, life would be amazing. But paraplegic people say the same thing…”

“I told the cops I’ve been framed. I told them to just go look in the art galler…”

“Anything more than 5/10ths makes me tense”