When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!

“I’d race my motorcycle across the ocean just to avoid swimming in the desert. L…”

“I’m in danger of losing my job as official scribe to my inner voice.”

“A brick should decide who gets to rule the people, and I should decide what rul…”

“Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, go all …”