When you are the designated buyer, ask for more money than the item costs, so when you spend less people will be happy about you spending their money. Be careful with money—and with love. Don’t overspend with either.

“Two years ago I bought my brother’s slightly used iMac for five hundred bucks. …”

“I want to create moonglasses, and then write a song called, "I Wear My Moonglas…”

“A door shaped like a vagina is more inviting. Sure, I’ll come in, but not slouc…”

“There are exactly thirteen letters in my name, and there are also thirteen lett…”