When you’re as ugly as I am, you need all the beauty sleep you can get. I’ll be in the restroom resting if you need me. Knock three times so I know it’s you and not a hooker dressed like a cop.

“I could fuck on my back like 4:44. But I don’t. I do it like 3:33.”

“Everywhere I go, I’m second to arrive. My reputation precedes me, and sometimes…”

“What does a man do when he robs a bank? Last week I ran like hell.”

“At the end of the day, people go to sleep. Let’s also put the cliché “At the en…”