Whenever I schedule an appointment, my general rule of thumb is, tomorrow is better than yesterday.

“My name is Mr. Potatohead, and I’m looking for my wife. But I fear I’m too late…”

“Surrealist Tip # 7: Sleep through numbers 1-6. Write down your dreams while you…”

“Women love to talk. I'll bet Van Gogh had a woman. And I'll bet she talked his …”

“Every night I cuddle with a blob of unbaked clay I fashioned in the shape of a …”