Who needs a thermometer? That’s what my nipples are for.

“In the spirit of slumber parties, I want to have a sleepover and invite only na…”

“A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tai…”

“I’m like Twain, Nietzsche, and Dali in that I have three mustaches. (I have two…”

“A brick could be covered in black fur, cradled, pet, and called Mr. Fizzlebush.…”