Who stole my stew? I left it sitting in my stomach while I went to the bathroom, and when I came out it was gone. I was only gone for five minutes.

“I’d drive a thousand miles just to learn how to conserve gas and help save the …”

“I write my name on my underwear. Of course, I have to first cross out the name …”

“If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over …”

“-I’m looking for a man—
-There are several suspects in Topeka, Ks. that match t…”