Why go to remote parts of the world? If they’re remote, just turn them on and watch them on your couch.

“There are three things I look for in a woman to potentially date, and one of th…”

“I sometimes lie awake at night wishing I had all the answers. But I guess only …”

“I am the bathtub of desire, but damnit woman, I saw you eyeing that swimming po…”

“I come bearing gifts in the form of junk food. You’re welcome. I would have bro…”