Why watch reality TV when I can just open my blinds and look out my window to all the reality I can handle?

“What I thought was a black hole turned out to be nothing more than a splatter o…”

“I need to go to the store and pick up some condoms. But first I need to pick up…”

“Taxes and Texas—they have the same letters, but only one can go to hell.”

“A clone’s most valuable function would be as a gift giver, because who else but…”