With Mildred Feeblemeister dead, I’m now the world’s 77th greatest grandmother.

“I am the Sisters of Mercy. All three of them. Triplets.”

“I’m tired of calling @PapaJohns. I wish they’d call me for once. I’m starting t…”

“Before job interviews, I think: What color tie best represents me as a person t…”

“Come buy from me what you could rent elsewhere. Like a Like button or a wiggly …”