Wrinkles don’t signify old age, they signify a lack of ironing skills or a dearth of hangers to hang clothes on.

“If Twinkies grew on trees, as nature intended, then I would like to irrigate yo…”

“I’d like to make the argument that The Cars were the first garage band.”

“My bed’s comforter is yellow. It has to be to hide all the melted butter stains…”

“Business idea: Merge a billiard table with a golf course, and make the pockets …”