Yesterday I memorized Shakespeare, and tomorrow I'm also going to memorize his first name.

“Insects have the most sex. Trust me, I peep on them through my microscope.”

“A telephone cord used to make an excellent leash on people. Now metal chains wo…”

“Flowers and fear are a lot alike. For one, flowers and fear have a distinct sme…”

“I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few ext…”