Yesterday was my last day at work. My coworkers were so sad they all pitched in and bought me a one-way ticket to Seattle, and a bottle of cyanide in case I get thirsty.

“I can see why they say golf is an expensive sport to play. If you have to drop …”

“A brick could be used to perpetually feed the hungry, stop all wars, educate th…”

“I am a superhero! I wear Spandex and I save things. I don’t save people, I save…”

“If my last name were Marriagenowsky, and I met another girl with that name, gue…”