You can believe history books when they tell you when wars were fought. You just can’t trust them as to why.

“I mopped up my moped off the street, and drove home on the unicycle below my ha…”

“The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three i…”

“Life is made up of now, and the past and the future are nothing more than inedi…”

“I’m a smart cookie. Chocolate chip.”