You can’t be the best all the time. But that’s what clones are for—to be you while you sleep.

“If my love were a bagel, I’d put cream cheese on it. But it’s not a bagel, so I…”

“I’m unemployed, so I’m seeking a handjob.”

“People think I’m all gloom and doom all the time. I’m not. I also have bad days…”

“There may be a sucker born every minute, but every 30 seconds a lollipop pops o…”