You don’t need gale force winds to push you in the right direction. No, all you need is a good wife to push you around.

“Do I mind losing? No, because losses and wins are just the bricks on the path t…”

“My printer printed off blank pages. Is my printer out of ink, or do I just have…”

“I gave blood today. It came gushing out of my nose. And anus.”

“The best thing my grandpa ever said to me was, “Gladys, bring me some more damn…”