You get used to success and you start to expect it—and that’s when you fail. Luckily for me, I can’t possibly fail, precisely because I always fail.

“Messages written across the chest of women’s t-shirts are great, because I can …”

“North, south, east, west, I need to find a nude erection to point the way.”

“There are two apples, one is green and the other is red. Which apple would the …”

“A brick could be covered in black fur, cradled, pet, and called Mr. Fizzlebush.…”