You vote Democrat even if you vote Republican, because they’re two sides of the same coin. So stop flipping that coin. The illusion of controlling the outcome of the coin toss is why we’re all poorer.

“This is America. Every vote counts. Sometimes twice, if it helps me get elected.”

“A blanket could be used to aid a waiter with bringing out a large order of beer…”

“The girl I used to love is no longer a girl, and this saddens me more than our …”

“I just wrote the book of love. Well, I coauthored it with Cupid and Nicholas Sp…”