Your dog looks dirty. You could give it a bath, or I could piss on it for free. Or you could pay me to piss on it, that’d work too.

“In a victory speech, I like to thank the opposition, because without their help…”

“This is my logo for Billy Ross Landscaping”

“In my dream, the passenger seat of my car was a toilet. I guess I was on my way…”

“I hired a chauffeur and I became a motivational speaker, because I don’t drive—…”