You're not boring. You've got to stop saying that, or people will start believing you.

“I thought of us lying down on some grassy patch of SeaWorld together, me on my …”

“Something about telling that story made my gut grow back together."What?"Oh, no…”

“Random questions are the least random of all questions.”

“Mom sobbed something into Dad's chest that I wish I hadn't heard, and that I ho…”