As my exciting story began I was being punched in the stomach.
John SwartzwelderTag: absurd
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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.
Woody AllenTag: absurd
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To you, I'm an atheist.
To God, I'm the loyal opposition.
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I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
Woody AllenI should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
Woody AllenTag: absurd
Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe.
It required bandaging.
Tag: absurd
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Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK?
It'll be a year come April 20th.
I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday
Tag: absurd
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I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time.
She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
Tag: humor religion atheism absurd
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I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket.
He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.
Tag: absurd
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A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men.
I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.
Tag: absurd
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