For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.
Darynda JonesTag: funny charley-davidson darynda-jones shoot-out
Let me express how much I don't care on a scale from one to bite me
Darynda JonesTag: humor darynda-jones
My real mom died when I was born—hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to
me, which has never been one of my favorite memories—and Dad married Denise before I’d turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the
matter. Denise and I never really clicked.
Tag: first-grave-on-the-right charley darynda-jones davidson
That’s the thing about things. They tend to happen.
Darynda JonesTag: charley-davidson darynda-jones second-grave-on-the-left
He reminded me of Gerald Roma from grade school, who used to burn ants with a magnifying glass. He was never quite right. It was weird that he spontaneously combusted during finals week our freshman year in college. Payback was a bitch.
Darynda JonesTag: humor darynda-jones fourth-grave-beneath-my-feet
Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.
Darynda JonesTag: humor coffee first-grave-on-the-right charley-davidson darynda-jones
Gemma Davidson,” she answered, her voice as groggy as I felt.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“Who is this?”
“Elvis.”
“What time is it?”
“Hammer time?”
“Charley.”
“Did you text me? Did your car break down?”
“No and no. Why are you doing this to me?” She was funny.
“Check your cell.”
I heard a loud, sleepy sigh, some rustling of sheets, then, “It won’t come on.”
“Not at all?”
“No. What did you do to it?”
“I ate it for breakfast. Check the battery compartment.”
“Where the hell is that?”
“Um, behind the battery door.”
“Are you punking me?” I heard her fumbling with the phone.
“Gem, if I was going to punk you, I wouldn't simply turn off your phone. I would pour honey in your hair while you slept. Or, you know, something like that.”
“That was you?” she asked, appalled.
Tag: humour charley-davidson darynda-jones gemma-davidson third-grave-dead-ahead
You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular.
Darynda JonesTag: humor charley-davidson darynda-jones charley-davidson-humor
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