You take I-55 south, and you'll run into I-20. Or you could take..."

I was about to be overloaded with information. "Oh that sounds just perfect. Let me do just that, or I'll lose track."

Sure, glad I could help."

Oh, you surely did."

We beamed at each other, just two nice women. I had to fight an impulse to say "I have a tortured vampire in my trunk," out of sheer giddiness.

Charlaine Harris

Tag: humor funny-as-hell

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I [dad] spent hours on the phone. Do you know with whom?'
'One of those psychic hotlines?' Dad gritted his teeth. 'If only...

Rachel Hawkins

Tag: funny-as-hell

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There once was a man who was sore
'Cuz his wife wouldn't open the door.
Celibacy
is just not for me
Let me in, you cock-teasing whore.

Jake Wizner

Tag: funny-as-hell

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Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.

Lili St. Crow

Tag: humor wisdom writing humour funny humor-work humorous writers-block writer writers-on-writing writing-philosophy funny-as-hell funny-stuff funny-quotes

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This dudes nuttier than squirrel shit."

-Ty Henderson

Madeleine Urban

Tag: shit humorous-quotations funny-as-hell squirrel

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Sorry. My friends didn't mention certain....details about you and you just wouldn't believe how nutty some people are. Just last week, I had a woman convinced her trailer was haunted by Tupac, as if he'd want to spend eternity in a double wide that smelled like cat piss.

Jeaniene Frost

Tag: funny-as-hell

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That face. That body. And you know he’s packing. Look at the angle on that dangle.

Jeaniene Frost

Tag: funny-as-hell

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Miranda: You say you were my guardian angel. Does that mean you watched me all the time? Like when I got my period or doctored a zit or took a shower or-

Zachary: I'm an angel, not a Peeping Tom.

Cynthia Leitich Smith

Tag: funny-as-hell

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Here. There. Everywhere." He leered at his friend. "Thinking about you and Moira's
underwear.

Dana Marie Bell

Tag: funny-as-hell

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I love Nudge, Nudge is a great kid, but that motormouth of hers could
have turned Mother Teresa into an ax murderer

James Patterson

Tag: funny-as-hell

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