When they were introduced, he made a witticism, hoping to be liked. She laughed extremely hard, hoping to be liked. Then each drove home alone, staring straight ahead, with the very same twist to their faces.
The man who'd introduced them didn't much like either of them, though he acted as if he did, anxious as he was to preserve good relations at all times. One never knew, after all, now did one now did one now did one.
Tag: funny-but-sad sad-but-funny
I saw my ex-husband in the street. I was sitting on the steps of the new library.
Hello, my life, I said. We had once been married for twenty-seven years, so I felt justified.
He said, What? What life? No life of mine.
Tag: funny-but-sad sad-but-funny
I'll have that someday, thought Peter. Someone who'll kiss me good-bye at the door. Or maybe just someone to put a blindfold over my head before they shoot me. Depending on how things turn out.
Orson Scott CardTag: humor life goals death aspirations funny-but-sad
Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm
David CrossTag: humor funny babies funny-but-sad
America is still AmeriKKKa. rather we like it or not
Fee ScottTag: true reality-check funny-but-sad
The ringtone was a dead giveaway, emphasis on dead . . . creepy organ music. She didn’t even have to glance at the image of fanged
bunny slippers on the screen to know who was calling. She just sighed, thumbed it on, and held it to her ear.
“Claire! I need you here immediately. Something’s wrong with Bob.” Myrnin, her mad-scientist, blood-addicted boss, sounded actually shaken. “I
can’t get him to eat his insects, and I used his favorites. He just sits there.”
“Bob,” she repeated, looking at Shane in wide-eyed disbelief. “Bob the spider.”
“Just because he’s a spider doesn’t mean he deserves any less concern! Claire, you have a way with him. He likes you.”
Just what she needed. Bob the spider liked her. “You do realize that he’s a year old, at least. And spiders don’t live that long.”
“You think he’s dead?” Myrnin sounded horrified. So wrong.
“Is he curled up?”
“No. He’s just quiet.”
“Well, maybe he’s not hungry.”
“Will you come?” Myrnin asked. He sounded calmer now, but also oddly needy. “It’s been very lonely here these past few days. I’d like your
company, at least for a little while.” When she hesitated, he used the pity card. “Please, Claire.”
“Fine,” she sighed. “I’m bringing Shane.”
After a second of silence, he said, flatly, “Goody,” and hung up.
Tag: funny-but-sad
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Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.
Carroll BryantTag: humor humorous hilarious comical funny-but-true funny-humor funny-as-hell funny-but-sad
There’s pretty much no way for me to answer that without sounding like an asshole, so maybe you could do me a solid and not make me.
Alex PotvinTag: humor relationships funny humor-relationships funny-but-sad
I'm falling into disrepair
Anne TylerTag: aging funny-but-sad
The secret is,” I say, whispering right into his ear, “that yours was the best kiss I’ve ever had in my life.”
“But I’ve never kissed you,” he whispers back. Around us the rain sounds like falling glass. “Not since third grade, anyway.”
I smile, but I’m not sure if he can see it.
“Better get started, then,” I say, “because I don’t have much time.
Tag: life time first-kiss funny-but-sad
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