This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Sid Ziff

Tag: wit bad-reviews book humorist misattributed-dorothy-parker



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A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.

James Denton

Tag: humorist



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What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

Dave Barry

Tag: death humorist outlook columnist



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If you're too serious to make life a laughing matter, then you seriously need to make laughter matter to you today and every day!

Jeannine M. Luby

Tag: humorist wellness inspirational-attitude



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I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn't believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA.

Carroll Bryant

Tag: humor humorist humourous humorous-quotations



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In the afternoon the ship's company assembled aft, on deck, under the awnings; the flute, the asthmatic meodeon, and the consumptive clarinet crippled the Star Spangled Banner, the choir chased it to cover, and George came in with a peculiarly lacerating screech on the final note and slaughtered it. Nobody mourned. We carried out the corpse on three cheers (that joke was not intentional and I do not endorse it).

Mark Twain

Tag: funny humorist



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Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.

Jean Shepherd

Tag: humor funny humorist



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Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.

Carroll Bryant

Tag: humor humorist humorous comedy-humor philisophical comical philisophical-life



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Today I feel like I did tomorrow.

Carroll Bryant

Tag: humor humorist comedy humorous comedy-humor humorous-quotes



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How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?

Carroll Bryant

Tag: humor funny humorist humorous funny-humor funny-satire



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