I renamed myself Ari.
If I switched the letter, my name was Air.
I thought it might be a great thing to be the air.
I could be something and nothing at the same time. I could be necessary and also invisible. Everyone would need me and no one would be able to see me.
You should just sit them down and make them tell you. Make them be adults."
"You can't make anyone be an adult. Especially an adult.
Dogs don't censor themselves. Maybe animals were smarter than people. The dog was so happy. My mom and dad too. It felt good to know that they loved the dog, that they let themselves do that. And somehow it seemed that the dog helped us be a better family.
Benjamin Alire SáenzSee, the thing about guys is that I didn't really care to be around them. I mean, guys really made me uncomfortable. I don't know why, not exactly. I just, I don't know, I just didn't belong. I think it embarrassed the hell out of me that I was a guy. And it really depressed me that there was the distinct possibility that I was going to grow up and be like one of those assholes.
Benjamin Alire SáenzMan loneliness was much bigger than boy loneliness.
Benjamin Alire SáenzIt was good to laugh. I wanted to laugh and laugh and laugh until I laughed myself into becoming someone else.
Benjamin Alire SáenzOkay is just a word I use so I won't have to talk about what's inside.
Okay is a word that means I am going to keep my secrets.
I don't like remembering.
Remembering makes me feel things.
I don't like feeling things.
This is the way I see it: if you get to know yourself really well, you might discover that deep down inside you’re just a dirty, disgusting, and selfish piece of shit. What if my heart is all rotted out and corrupted? What about that? What am I suppose to do with that information? Just tell me that.
Benjamin Alire SáenzI have this storm inside me. It's trying to kill me. I wonder sometimes if that's such a bad thing.
I know about storms.
I'm tired.
I just want to sleep forever.
Maybe I should tell the storm to go ahead and kill me.
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