I told him about how Cole wanted me to return with him.
I told him almost everything. I didn't talk about what had happened just before I left with Cole and I didn't tell him that the Tunnels of the Everneath were coming for me soon. Jack would freak out if he knew I was leaving again, and I didn't want to waste time trying to convince him it was hopeless.
I didn't tell him I'd thought of him every day. That even when every other memory had faded,he never left.
Do you get it now,Becks?" Jack wrapped a finger around a long strand of my hair, and we were quiet as it slipped through his grip.
"You haven't moved on?"
He chuckled. "I have a lifetime of memories made up of chestnut wars and poker games and midnight excursions and Christmas Dances...It's all you. It's only ever been you.I love you." The last part seemed to escape his lips unintentionally, and afterward he closed his eyes and put his head in his hands,as if he had a sudden headache. "I've gotta not say that out loud."
The sight of how messed up he was made me want to wrap my arms around him and fold him into me and cushion him from everything that lay ahead.
Instead,I reached for his hand. Brought it to my lips. Kissed it.
He raised his head and winced. "You shouldn't do that," he said, even though he didn't pull his hand away.
"Why?"
"Because...it'll make everything worse...If you don't feel-"
His voice cut off as I kissed his hand again, pausing with his fingers at my lips. He let out a shaky sigh and his hair flopped forward. Then he looked at my lips for a long moment. "What if...?"
I bit my lower lip. "What?"
"What if we could be like this again?" He leaned in closer with a smile, and as he did,he said, "Are you going to steal my soul?"
"Um...it's not technically your soul that..."
I couldn't finish my sentence. His lips brushed mine, and I felt the whoosh of transferring emotions,but it wasn't as strong as the last time. The space inside me was practically full again. The Shades were right. Six months was just long enough to recover.
He kept his lips touching mine when he asked, "Is it okay?"
Okay in that I wasn't going to suck him dry anymore. Not okay in that my own emotions were in hyperdrive. Only our lips touched.Thankfully there was space between us everywhere else.
He took my silence to mean it was safe. We held our lips together, tentative and still.
But he didn't let it stay that casual for long.He pressed his lips closer, parting his mouth against mine. I shivered,and he put his arms around me and pulled me closer so that our bodies were touching in so many places.
He pulled back a little.His breath was on my lips.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I dreamed of you every night." He briefly touched his lips to mine again. "It felt so real.And when I'd wake up the next morning,it was like your disappearance was fresh. Like you'd left me all over again."
I lowered my chin and tucked my head into his chest. "I'm sorry."
He sighed and tightened his grip around me. "It never got easier.But the dreams themselves." I felt him shake his head. "It's like I had a physical connection to you. They were so real. Every night,you were in my room with me. It was so real."
I tilted my head back so I could face him again, realizing for the first time how difficult it must've been for Jack. I kissed his chin, his cheek, and then his lips. "I'm sorry," I said again.
He shook his head. "It's not your fault I dreamed of you, Becks.I just want to know if it was as real as it felt."
"I don't know," I said. But I told him about the book I'd read on Orpheus and Eurydice, and my theory that it was her connection to Orpheus that saved her.
He took a deep breath and held out his hand. "We got off to a bad start, but you're obviously a friend of Becks's."
Cole stared at his hand,stumped. He looked at me like, What the hell am I supposed to do with this? I'd never seen him so baffled.It was almost comical.
Then the second-to-last thing that I ever would have anticipated happened. Cole took Jack's hand and shook it. "I'm Neal."
"Jack." Jack briefly glanced sideways at me. "I'll try not to hit you again."
Cole and Jack, shaking hands. I covered my eyes with my fingers,wondering when the world had officially tipped over onto its side.When I lowered my hand, they were both looking at me.I'd had enough awkward.
"Let's go," I said, tugging on Jack's arm.
Cole frowned and looked away. "Take care of our girl," he muttered sarcastically.
Jack,I've messed up enough of you life.There's nothing you can do about Cole.I'll handle him. You don't have to-"
"Enough,Becks.This is what friends do. Before we got together, we were friends, remember? The friendship is still there,isn't it?"
I didn't say anything for a moment. It was so much more than friendship on my side. Despite everything,I'd never stopped loving him.
"Isn't it,Becks? I mean,you didn't completely forget about me in the Everneath,did you?"
"No." Wasn't it obvious on my face? That he was the only thing I remembered? My memories of Jack should've been etched on my skin by now, for all the world to see.
"Okay.Friends talk.Friends help each other."
I nodded.
"Friends don't eat friends' souls."
I smiled. "Got it."
"Can I ask you something else?"
"Of course."
"Why did you finally decide to tell me the truth?"
I traced my finger along the lip of my coffee mug. "It's probably nothing, but Cole seems anxious to keep me away from you in particular. I wanted to see how he'd react, and maybe that would give me an idea as to why."
He grimaced. "I have an idea."
"What?"
"He's in love with you."
I wrinkled my forehead. "No he's not. He's not capable."
Jack leaned forward. "Trust me, Becks. I know exactly what loving you looks like on a person.And he loves you."
My face went warm and I looked away. If only Jack were talking about now,and not before. I shook my head. "There has to be something more to it."
Jack put his chin on the palm of his hand. "Well,let's find out."
"How?"
Jack raised his eyes to meet mine, a shy little smile on his face, so different from his usual confident grin. "We'll spend time together. And let Cole know it.
When I was in the Everneath, I thought about Jack every day. Every minute. Even after I'd forgotten his name, the image of his face made me feel whole again. Was Jack the reason I'd survived? Were our ties to the Surface what somehow kept us whole?
The one problem in the anchor theory was Meredith.She had a connection with her mom,yet she didn't survive. But then the more I thought about it, the more I realized Mrs. Jenkins didn't have a similar connection to Meredith. She forgot about Meredith the second the Feed began.
Then it hit me.Orpheus didn't forget about Eurydice.He loved her the entire time she was gone. Maybe the attachment between Forfeit and anchor worked only when it went both ways.
The drinking fountain next to me shuddered to life as a flash of intuition hit me.
I knew now that Jack never forgot about me.He'd never stopped loving me.He was the anchor that saved me.
And now he was gone.
Afternoon,Caputo," Cole said.
Jack's face remained a cool mask. "Hello, Cole.Becks."
Cole froze at Jack's casual use of his real name. His arm dropped from my shoulders. I couldn't help but smile.
Jack looked at me. "I'll see you in Mrs. Stone's room, Becks. You're coming, right? Mythology paper?"
I nodded.Just before he sauntered away, Jack winked at me and slapped Cole hard on the shoulder. "See you around, Neal.
Did you forgive her?"
I looked at her with a start.
Jack dropped his salad back in the bucket. "What?"
"Did you forgive Nikki?"
"Umm,Mary,I don't think you-" I started, but Jack interrupted me.
"No,it's okay.What do you mean, Mary?" He spoke slowly. "Did I forgive Nikki for what?"
Mary frowned and reached under the separation glass and touched Jack's gloved hand. "Did you forgive her for leaving you?"
Jack's lower lip sank,and his eyebrows lifted.He looked like he was about to speak,but no words came out of his open mouth.
Mary leaned even closer and whispered, "I have a theory. A theory about anchors."
"Oh," Jack finally said,his forehead now creased with confusion. "Anchors."
The people in line behind Mary shifted impatiently.
"Um,Mary,you're holding up the line," I said. Mary looked at me as I continued. "Why don't you go grab a table,and I'll eat with you."
The tension slipped from her face. "Okay. But hurry. My tee time's at one."
She started down the line again.Jack's hand still rested in the lettuce, so I nudged him with my elbow, and he seemed to restart. "Don't worry about her," I said. "She gets confused easily."
"That wasn't confusion." Jack kept his eyes on my face as he served the salad. "It was like she knew me. Knew us.Did you talk to her about us?"
"Of course not.She also knows about anchors,apparently.And she's late for her tee time.None of it makes sense.
I held the car key out, pointed and ready.
Cole eyed the key. "Uh-oh. Is that key loaded?
Wow.You two seem to be right as rain again," Cole said from behind us. I could hear the undercurrent of rage beneath his voice. "I hate to interrupt this sudden case of the touchy-feelies, but with the three of us standing here, it almost feels like that spring day so long ago.Almost as if Jack hand't left for camp.Almost as if Jack had nothing to do with you going under,Nik."
Jack winced, but he kept his eyes on me.
"You should've seen her.Did you know that when she left your dorm that night, she came straight to me? Begged to go with me. Barely able to breathe for the pain." He enunciated each word.
I studied Jack's face and shook my head. Jack dropped his arm from my shoulders. "You never let me explain. I ran to you,but you drove off.You didn't trust me."
There was silence for a few long moments.
"Would either of you care to know my opinion?" Cole said.
"Shut up," we replied at the same time.
Cole shrugged. "You know where to find me." He turned and walked across the parking lot to the sidewalk that led around the corner of the post office. I watched him until he disappeared, than I faced Jack again.
Jack rougly ran both of his hands through his hair. "This is a mess." It sounded like he was talking to himself, not to me. "I know how it looked, but you should've let me explain. I hated you for leaving." He looked up at the sky. "I hated you."
Jack took a step backward, away from me, and as he did,a voice called out to us. "Don't let him drive you apart!"
We both turned toward the sound. Mary was sitting on a bench under the shelter of the bus stop. I hadn
t noticed her before.She'd been watching us.
She stood and came over. "That's what he wants. He's scared of anchors. I told you I have a theory about anchors.
What would it take to get you to leave me alone?"
"I think you know exactly what it would take."
"What if I make you a deal?"
His eyebrows wrinkled. "A deal?"
Lowering my voice,I said, "What if I promise to go with you,but not until right before the Tunnels come?" I took a step closer in my sudden enthusiasm, and he backed up. "As long as I go with you before the Tunnels actually come, it will work.If you give me these last moments with Jack alone, I'll go with you."
I tried not to let my face show the lie I was telling.
His face went blank,then it broke out in a wide grin. "Golly, do you pinky swear?" he said sarcastically. When I didn't answer,he continued, "Your little plan would involve me taking quite a bit of faith.You're not exactly a safe bet."
I guess I wasn't surprised. But I was so tired of Cole. I looked him directly in the eye. "If you can tell when I'm lying, you should know without a doubt when I'm telling the truth." I put my face even closer to his. "Here's the truth. I.Will.Never.Ever.Go with you."
Cole's eyes became tight,and then I saw something on his face I'd never seen before.Genuine pain.
I took in a short breath of surprise, but I stood my ground. If the hurt on his face was as real as it looked, maybe that's what it would take to get him to back down.
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