I opened my mouth and kissed you then, the first time all night, attacked you and surrendered completely, and let’s get out of here. I’m ready, I’m finished, let’s not break up, no, no. Take me home, my boyfriend, my love.
Daniel HandlerHere it is undeveloped, a roll of film with all its mysteries locked up. I never took it anyplace, just left it waiting in a drawer dreaming of stars. That was our time, to see if Lottie Carson was who we thought she was, all those shots we took, cracking up, kissing with our mouths open, laughing, but we never finished it. We thought we had time, running after her, jumping on the bus and trying to glimpse her dimple through the tired nurses arguing in scrubs and the moms on the phone with the groceries in the laps of the kids in the strollers. We hid behind the mailboxes and lampposts half a block away as she kept moving through her neighborhood, where I've never been, the sky getting dark on only the first date, thinking all the while we'd develop it later.
Daniel HandlerYou flew your way through all those stone silent statues, and if I could I'd thunk them all at your goddamn doorstep, as noisy as you were quiet, as furious as we were giggly, as cold and scornful as I was breathless and hot watching you cat burglar for evidence and come back shrugging and empty-handed so we still didn't know, we still couldn't be sure, not until everything was developed...But we never developed them. Undeveloped, the whole thing, tossed into a box before we really had a chance to know what we had, and that's why we broke up.
Daniel HandlerThis is another thing I think of, turning it over, try to put together two pictures of it, but this time it's about me, it's myself I'm trying to figure. Because one sounds so disgusting, not even able to tell Al about it, win the big game, take the virgin to her first bonfire, feed her a beer or two, and then the two of us in someone's car with your hand between my legs, unbuttoned and hiked down and the noises I made, before I finally, gasping, stopped you. It sounds terrible and it's probably the truth, the real picture, gross when I write it down and shamed about it. But it's the real, whole truth I'm trying to get down, how it happened, and honestly it felt different then, different from that bad picture. I can see it, so gentle the way you moved, the thrill that was there with us as no one knew where we were or what we were doing.
Daniel HandlerI stayed there loving you, though the love made me, not sad but I guess melancholy, for a reason I couldn’t point
to.
And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole life.
Daniel HandlerI’d have to join eventually if I had to think about it, not like we were going to be forever. I mean, who would dare think that, forever? Some idiot girl who wouldn’t know how things played out.
Daniel HandlerI’m telling you why we
broke up, Ed..... And the truth is that I goddamn loved you so much.
And love, who can say the way it winds.. like a serpent in the garden of our untroubled minds
Daniel HandlerStichwörter: whywebrokeup
I stand entwined in fire on the inextinguishable bonfire of inconceivable love.
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