She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.
Dark Jar Tin ZooStichwörter: humor truth love communication relationships funny distraction listening distracted
My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some.
Dark Jar Tin ZooStichwörter: humor love funny horse glue
I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil).
Dark Jar Tin ZooStichwörter: humor love sex funny brick-and-blanket-test brick-and-blanket-uses
I make love like farm equipment—not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can’t tell it.
Dark Jar Tin ZooStichwörter: humor love sex funny farm cousin farm-equipment
We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car.
Dark Jar Tin ZooStichwörter: humor love sex funny
In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.
Dark Jar Tin ZooStichwörter: humor sleep sex funny
The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.
Dark Jar Tin ZooStichwörter: humor love milk sex funny coffee
I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.
Dark Jar Tin ZooStichwörter: humor life sleep dreams dreaming relationships funny sleeping word-junkies
I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughed at my nakedness, and you sold me to the owner of a sex shop.
Dark Jar Tin ZooStichwörter: humor life sleep dreams dreaming relationships funny sleeping
I had a dream about you. In my dream I stole all your money, kidnapped your parents, and mailed you mannequin parts spray-painted red in a series of packages that also included ransom notes. Then, towards the end of the dream, the cops surrounded my cave and swarmed in to arrest me. Sweating, my eyes shot open, and I realized it was a dream. “Of course it’s a dream,” I thought. “The cops have no idea where my cave is, and your first package has yet to be delivered.”
Dark Jar Tin ZooStichwörter: humor life sleep dreams dreaming relationships funny sleeping
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