Went to Jude's party tonight in a tight little black dress to show off figure feeling v. full of myself...
... There's nothing worse than people telling you you looked tired. They might as well have done with it and say you look like five kinds of shit.
Stichwörter: humor
Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love life, anyway?
Oh God. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to them and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still have sex?
Stichwörter: humor
If you ask where a relationship is going too often the question has a habit of turning into where the relationship went. Unfortunately, however, God has given women an inbuilt irresistible urge to insist on knowing where their relationships are going, and to force their partners to discuss the matter at length whenever they are late for something.
Helen FieldingQuite quickly I grew less deranged. I had begun the process of calming down, assimilating and compromising, which is necessary to live comfortably in the world as it is, and probably is why its imbalance never changes. But underneath, my idea of life was completely altered.
Helen FieldingEmotional fuckwittage
Helen FieldingBeing a woman is worse than being a farmer there is so much harvesting and crop spraying to be done: legs to be waxed, underarms shaved, eyebrows plucked, feet pumiced, skin exfoliated and moisturised, spots cleansed, roots dyed, eyelashes tinted, nails filed, cellulite massaged, stomach muscles exercised.
The whole performance is so highly tuned you only need to neglect it for a few days for the whole thing to go to seed. Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if left to revert to nature — with a full beard and handlebar moustache on each shin Dennis Healey eyebrows face a graveyard of dead skin cells spots erupting long curly fingernails like Struwelpeter blind as bat and stupid runt of species as no contact lenses flabby body flobbering around. Ugh ugh. Is it any wonder girls have no confidence?
Stichwörter: irony
Oh God, what's wrong with me? Why does nothing ever work out?
Helen FieldingStichwörter: doubt desperation
I looked at him nonplussed. I realized that I have spent so many years being on a diet that the idea that you might actually need calories to survive has been completely wiped out of my consciousness. Have reached point where believe nutritional ideal is to eat nothing at all, and that the only reason people eat is because they are so greedy they cannot stop themselves from breaking out and ruining their diets.
Helen FieldingStichwörter: self-esteem self-awareness dieting weight-loss nutrition survive calories
You can't be ironic about dead people.
Helen FieldingI am not interested in emotional fuckwittage.
Helen FieldingStichwörter: relationships
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