A brick could be used to replace the dollar as the world’s reserve currency. Don’t laugh, because at least the brick is real and useful, unlike the dollar, which is fake and useless.
Jarod KintzA brick could be used as a musical instrument. It doesn’t matter how bad it sounds, because I’ll be the band’s lead singer, and my sexy voice is like melted butter on a corn on the cob lodged directly into your anus.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used to stop terrorism. Unless that terrorist has a small knife, or really sharp teeth, and is able to chew through the cloth separating him from our American freedom.
Jarod KintzMy routine is comforting, like a comforter. But a blanket could easily be used to replace my routine, because a comforter is a blanket.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used to separate the winners from the losers. With the exception of me, all men are losers, and only the winners are allowed under the blanket. Sorry, fellas, but there is nothing I can do about the situation.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used as a spy, because if you need to blend in and go under cover, what’s better than a banket?
Jarod KintzA brick could be used as a replacement for an erection. Hey, I did it in the early 2000s, and I gave birth to the housing bubble. Well, I didn’t literally give birth to it, but I did impregnate the housing market.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used to confuse and disorient. Think of it not as a bed adornment, but as a really big blindfold.
Jarod KintzA brick could be used as a penis enlargement aid. Just tie a string around both your penis and a brick, and drop the brick off the roof of a building. I’m not stretching the truth when I say you’ll stretch yourself into a longer erection.
Jarod KintzA brick could be used as a medallion on the end of a necklace, much like human testicles aren’t used. It’s a shame, really, because when you think of all things dangly, male genitals drop down first in my mind.
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