In the pool, on that last night of the last summer, we said we’d always come back. It’s scary how easy promises were broken. Just like that.
Jenny HanMaybe that was how it was with all first loves. They own a little piece of your heart, always.
Jenny HanIt’s all relative, I suppose. You think you know love, you think you know real pain, but you don’t. You don’t know anything.
Jenny HanI whispered “I’m not,” even though I was. Not scared of him, but scared of everything I felt. Sometimes it was too much. What I felt for him was bigger than the world, than anything.
Jenny HanBut I loved that house, and I hated to say good-bye. Because, it was more than just a house. It was every summer, every boat ride, every sunset. It was Susannah.
Jenny HanI finally said it. The actual words, out loud, to her face. It was a relief, not carrying it around anymore, and it was a rush, actually telling her. I was in an elated sort of daze, on a high. She loved me. I didn’t need to hear her say it out loud, I knew it innately in the way she looked at me just then.
Conrad Fisher
Things weren’t the same with us, not right away, and maybe not ever. We were growing up. We were still figuring out how to be in each other’s lives without being everything to each other.
Jenny HanSuddenly I had this feeling, this absolute certainty, that I was never going to be able to let him go. It was as simple and as hard as that. I had clung to him like a barnacle all these years, and now I couldn’t cut away. It was my own fault, really. I couldn’t let go of Conrad.
Jenny HanThe first time I saw him again, it was another year, at my college graduation. And I just knew.
Jenny HanInstead I let the moment pass and I just sighed and leaned back onto my chair. The sky was pinky gold. I had the feeling that there was nothing
more beautiful than this, that this particular sunset matched the beauty of anything
in this world, ten times over. I could feel all the tension of the day drifting away from me and out to sea. I wanted to memorize it all in case I didn’t get to come back again. You never know the last time you’ll see a place. A person.
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