I think I may have an addiction. A sex-maniac beast has awoken, and I am a horny mess nearly all the time. I almost feel suprised that I haven't yet grabbed Estelle and shoved my tongue down that beautiful girls throat. I'd probably get father with Estelle than with her brother.
Oh my God. What is wrong with me?
I feel greatful, though, that Sabin was my home base tonight. He let me come back to him as often as I needed to ground myself. When the noise was too much or the social interaction felt overwhelming, he remained my rock.
Jessica Parkyou're just....You're everything"
His words are perfect, but the tone in his voice is not right. Wistful. Apologetic.
So stay."
It seems to take forever for him to answer, and his hands are still playing with my hair, his lips still darting against mine every few seconds. "I can't" He steps back and takes my hand to move me out of the way of the door. "I'd give anything to stay, but I can't. You're stunning, Blythe." He gives me an almost-sad smile. "But I just can't stay. It's too much.
Shut up" he says teasingly. "I know what you're thinking, and that's not why you're here with us"
We walk for a minute. "Why am I?"
Sabin shrugs. "Does there really have to be an answer to that? Sometimes it's just right. You fit. Jesus, kid, can't you feel it? Don't question everything."
I smile. I do feel it. Belonging.
I am hit with the enormity of the impact that this family is having in my life. They, and mostly Chris, are saving me. Or teaching me to save myself.
Jessica ParkOne thing has become crystal clear to me overnight: I have never felt as close to anyone as I do to Chris. It is not from the amount of time we've spent together, but from the strength of the unquestionable bond we share.
Jessica ParkI imagine that anyone who goes through trauma like I have wonders the same things I do: how God can exist and allow such awful things to happen. There are no reasons for my parents' death, and that's that.
Jessica ParkAt least one thing is certain: Chris and I are inextricably connected. Do I have factual reasons to know this? Proof? Assurances? No None.
Some people believe in God; I believe in Chris.
I guess I liked the idea that... well, that there might be some kind of larger meaning to life or whatever. My mother was into that. She had a nonreligious spiritual side to her, if that makes any sense. She believed in the idea of fate and destiny. An interconnectedness and purpose in life.
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