Crap. What do I say?
“Hi, I followed you here.”
Yeah, that’s not super creepy and stalkerish at all.
Nope, time for plan B.
I eye the karaoke machine in alarm.
Shit. I’m going to need a shot.
“Let’s do Ssssummer Nightsssss! I jusssst love Greasssse!”
Scratch that … I’m going to need a shitload of alcohol before I even think about singing!
I turn to Mavis. “Give me everything you’ve got. If I’m going to sing a ‘Grease’ song, I’m not going to do it sober!
Lorelai pulls me in closer and I feel her hair brush the side of my face.
Huh, she smells like bubblegum and oranges.
Wait. What the hell?
Oh great! I’m actually sniffing her hair now.
Yeah, that’s not super creepy at all!
Time to dial back the crazy.
It would be wrong to make a move, remember?
The song ends and suddenly The Ronettes’ ‘Be My Baby’ starts to play.
“Ah! I loooove thissss!” Lorelai declares as she grabs me and starts gyrating up and down.
It’s wrong to make a move. It’s wrong to make a move. It’s wrong to make a move.
Oh God …
Shit. Is this a good idea?
I’m a lawyer for Christ’s sake.
I look at Lorelai and she looks so happy that I don’t care anymore.
Screw it! If she wants to vandalise this prick’s car, I’m game.
I can come up with an alibi for us both later …
Damn, the girl is all red hair and a whole lot of flair!
Joanne McCleanI watch as she quickly grabs her dress and then suddenly pulls off my t-shirt, leaving her standing in her underwear.
Shit! What the hell?
A bit of warning would have been nice.
What is she thinking stripping off in front of someone she thinks she doesn’t know?
Wait.
Damn, she looks hot.
Shit.
Stop staring!
Look away!
Look away or she’ll think you’re a creep!
Okay, I’m going to move on before I suddenly grow a vagina or something ...
Joanne McCleanSo, I turn on the charm and ask ¿Cuánto cuesta pene?
Pretty impressive, right?
Wrong.
What I should have said was ¿Cuánto cuesta ese peine?
So, now you’re probably wondering what I did ask her.
Well, when I said that, she threw me this really dirty look and chased me out of the shop.
So, I looked it up … I asked her the price of my … let’s just say male anatomy part.
Whatever.” Priestly mutters. “Maybe if you got your head out of those books and paid more attention to guys, you wouldn’t have to try so hard to get a date!”
I shoot him daggers. “Well, maybe if you got your head out of your ass and paid more attention to what girls really want, then maybe they’d remember your name!
He throws me a wide grin. “Ooh, calmed down then, have we? I must say, your death threats are quite refreshing – they’re a nice little step up from telling me to get my head out of my ass.”
I shoot him daggers. “Bite me.”
“Wow, I had no idea you were into that shit.” he quips with a wicked grin.
“And I had no idea that you could reach a new level of asshole.
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