I have more faith in my bra than I have in my accountant.
Laurie NotaroStichwörter: humor laurie-notaro
I realized that you don't try on a pair of pants, fart in them, and then put them back on the shelf, and the same rough politeness applied here, too. Plain and simple, I bled on it, I bought it.
Laurie NotaroI could have spent my time hugging you or I could have spent my time telling you not to touch hot stoves or take candy from men. Which did you want?
Laurie Notaroif another person got on that elevator to travel eight feet upward, I couldn’t have been responsible for what I did. I had been pushed to the limit. The next time it happens, I swore to myself, I’m going to reach out and pinch that One Floorer and say, “You get out there and walk! You won’t come close to burning a fraction of the three thousand calories you ate at lunch, but maybe by the time you reach the landing, you’ll pass out from exhaustion and get to go home for the rest of the day, you lazy little asshole, because that’s exactly what you want anyway!
Laurie NotaroAs soon as Nicholas was born, my mother swore she'd rather see her daughters become Jehovah's Witnesses or pole dancers before she saw her first grandchild in daycare when my sister went back to work. I don't think it was originally the idea of daycare that didn't sit well with her but the fact that there, in a bassinet, was a fresh slate, a lump of clay that could be worked on and molded into the perfect child who had eluded her the first time around with her own daughters.
Laurie NotaroOkay, okay,' I said to my husband as he picked up a food dehydrator off the table and shot me a look. 'Maybe I did get carried away. Maybe the world won't end in a year, maybe it won't end until 2028, when the Aztec calendar stops.'
'The Bugles will be very old by then,' my husband said. 'They will have lost their snappy crunch.'
'They weren't to eat,' I said. 'They were to put on our fingers and poke the eyes out of looters.
...Is it just another pore expanding? God, I already have pores the size of pudding cups, that's the last thing I need, another pore...to fill in with spackle.
Laurie NotaroIt's a proclamation he regards as complete absolution from answering...as if his last name was Bush, he was eighteen, and there was a draft going on.
Laurie NotaroOh, boy. Now you see what you've done, Monica Lewinsky, you stupid, stupid tart, I thought. Because of you, I have to explain to my Nana, while she's in a hospital bed with an enlarged gallbladder, what oral sex is. Do you see the damage you've caused? Do you see where your sinful path has led?
Laurie NotaroStichwörter: bill-clinton
Asininity was puddling all around me in quantities too vast to soak up. - It Looked Different on the Model
Laurie NotaroStichwörter: humor
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