When he drove away I took a picture of the receding tail lights, and after his car was gone I stood there holding the photo up to the street, pretending. What is this feeling? I wondered. What is this hunger that grows worse the more I feed it?
They’d come up with a name for it a long time ago. But you already know what it’s called, don’t you?

Leah Raeder

Stichwörter: love



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For a long time before I met you, I felt my life was this kind of test. I was in deep, cold water, swimming for shore, and my arms were getting tired,my skin numb. On the shore was everything I thought I wanted: a better job, a house, a family.”

He swallowed, his throat cording with tension. “But I could barely keep my head above water. Eventually I stopped seeing the shore. Only cold dark blue, in all directions. I know it’s cliché, but when I met you, my eyes opened. I looked around, and realized I could stand up whenever I wanted. There was firm ground under my feet.

Leah Raeder

Stichwörter: love firm-ground unteachable



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Some girls had mothers who never called them beautiful but swore their love up and down. It's all the same, really. All bullshit.

Leah Raeder

Stichwörter: lies maise



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The brain is an incredible multitasker. At the same time that it's piercing itself with superheated needles of anguish, it's ruthlessly making plans, contingencies, plotting out a future, giving zero fucks whether it'll ever see it.

Leah Raeder

Stichwörter: brain maise multitask



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This is mine, I thought as he fucked me. This body, this act, this man, all mine.

Leah Raeder

Stichwörter: mine posession maise



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Thanks, Dad, for leaving a huge void in my life that Freud says has to be filled with dick.

Leah Raeder

Stichwörter: humor freud maise



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Don't put your life on hold for someone, or you'll wake up at 42 with an empty house and a terrifying sense of freedom and no energy or innocence left to enjoy it.

Leah Raeder

Stichwörter: unteachable



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I touched his hand, carefully. Not too intimate, but not some half-assed there-there pat, either. Would he understand? Usually the thought process for a seventeen-year-old boy went girl touching me

Leah Raeder

Stichwörter: relationship student teacher high-school taboo unteachable leah-raeder



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Every time I opened my mouth, flame licked up my throat. I could have razed vil­lages, kid­napped princesses.

Leah Raeder

Stichwörter: energy desire flame



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We looked at each other with that resentment you feel when you want something so much it’s causing you pain, so much you start to hate it a little.

Leah Raeder

Stichwörter: hate



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