If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Mark Twain

Stichwörter: misattributed-mark-twain newspapers



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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.

Mark Twain

Stichwörter: humor



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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Mark Twain

Stichwörter: courage



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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Mark Twain

Stichwörter: humor mankind evolution creation



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To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin
That makes calamity of so long life;

Mark Twain

Stichwörter: humor huckleberry



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It is sound judgment to put on a bold face and play your hand for a hundred times what it is worth; forty-nine times out of fifty nobody dares to call it, and you roll in the chips.

Mark Twain

Stichwörter: bluffing



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I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

Mark Twain

Stichwörter: humor revenge healthy-living



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Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Mark Twain

Stichwörter: wordplay blush



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Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

Mark Twain


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Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately.

Next, in another cage I confined an Irish Catholic from Tipperary, and as soon as he seemed tame I added a Scotch Presbyterian from Aberdeen. Next a Turk from Constantinople; a Greek Christian from Crete; an Armenian; a Methodist from the wilds of Arkansas; a Buddhist from China; a Brahman from Benares. Finally, a Salvation Army Colonel from Wapping. Then I stayed away for two whole days. When I came back to note results, the cage of Higher Animals was all right, but in the other there was but a chaos of gory odds and ends of turbans and fezzes and plaids and bones and flesh--not a specimen left alive. These Reasoning Animals had disagreed on a theological detail and carried the matter to a Higher Court.

Mark Twain

Stichwörter: cats man animals dogs religion monkeys doves foxes geese reasoning squirrels



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