[Author's Notes] As I write this, September 2002, much about the humpback song is still unknown. (Although scientists do know that it tends to be found in the New Age music section, as well as in tropical waters...)
Christopher MooreStichwörter: fluke christopher-moore
[Conservation] Barring that, just yell at people randomly to stop killing whales. It could catch on. Really.
("Would you like fries with that?"
"Shut up and stop killing whales!"
"Thank you. Drive through, please.")
Stichwörter: fluke christopher-moore
[Acknowledgments] I recommend them all for further reading, but when you're finished, you may have to read several of my books and watch a lot of TV just to get stupid enough to function in the modern world again.
Christopher MooreStichwörter: fluke christopher-moore
The scientific method is nothing more than a system of rules to keep us from lying to each other.
Ken NorrisStichwörter: humor science fluke christopher-moore
[in reference to turkey bowling] He [Tommy] squinted and picked his target, then took his steps and sent the bird sliding down the aisle. A collective gasp rose from the crew as the fourteen-pound, self-basting, fresh-frozen projectile of wholesome savory goodness plowed into the soap bottles like a freight train into a chorus line of drunken grandmothers.
Christopher MooreStichwörter: christopher-moore bloodsucking-fiends
Inspector, there's no smoking allowed in here," said a uniformed officer who had been called to the scene.
Cavuto waved to the drawers [at the morgue]. "Do you think they mind?"
The officer shook his head. "No, sir."
Cavuto blew a stream of smoke at Gilbert [a dead guy]. "And him, do you think he minds?"
No, sir."
And you, Patrolman Jeeter, you don't mind, do you?"
Jeeter cleared his throat. "Uh...no, sir."
Well, good," Cavuto said. "Look, on the side of the car, Jeeter. It says 'Protect and Serve' not 'Piss and Moan.'"
Yes, sir.
Stichwörter: christopher-moore bloodsucking-fiends
...then he looked at my T-shirt and saw Byron's picture on it and he quoted "She Walks in Beauty," which is like my favorite poem next to the one by Baudelaire about his girlfriend being nothing but worm food, except that Lily called that one first because Baudelaire is her fave poet and so she got the shirt with him on it, even though Byron is way more scrumptious and I would do him on sharp gravel if I had the chance.
--from The Chronicles of Abby Normal
Stichwörter: christopher-moore you-suck
You first," Tommy said. They stood in the great room of their loft on either side of the futon, where the huge cat, a crossbreed between a Persian, a dust mop, and possibly a water buffalo, was actively shedding.
Christopher MooreStichwörter: christopher-moore you-suck
Careful crossing the street," Tommy called back to her as he crossed. [Jody is drunk]
"Ha!" Jody said. "I am a finely tuned predator. I am a superbeing. I --" And at that point she bounced her forehead off a light pole with a dull twang and was suddenly lying on her back, looking at the streetlights above her, which kept going out of focus, the bastards.
Stichwörter: christopher-moore you-suck
[in regards to the "Asian guy"] He was so cute - in that Final Fantasy Thirty-Seven way. What I'm saying is, the Sex Fu is strong with this one.
--The Chronicles of Abby Normal
Stichwörter: christopher-moore you-suck
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