Yeah. I know why she cuts. I just don’t know the seed-reason. It’s deep inside her, and it’ll take time and patience to get it out of her.
Jasinda WilderStichwörter: pain reason why patience deep falling nell cutter colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder cuts
She closes her eyes, and I can see the moisture. She’s deep-breathing again, and I notice her hands are clutched around the opposing wrists, nails digging in deep, hard, scratching. Pain to replace pain.
Jasinda WilderStichwörter: pain guilt grief heartache falling cutting self-injury nell colton si scratching falling-into-you jasinda-wilder
It wasn't supposed to. It was just supposed to stop you from hurting yourself.” “It helps—” “No it doesn't. It just pushes it away temporarily. Just like the booze.” “But I need—” “You need to let yourself feel. Feel it, own it. Then move on.” “You make it sound so easy.” Bitterness drips from each syllable. “It’s not. It’s the fucking hardest thing a person can do.” I smooth a damp strand out of her face and away from my mouth. “It’s the hardest fucking thing. It’s why we drink and do drugs and fight. It’s why I play music and build engines.
Jasinda WilderStichwörter: words music drinking grief fighting feeling bitterness coping relief feel falling hurting cutting nell colton cope falling-into-you jasinda-wilder
I should have seen it coming.” The words don’t surprise me, but they piss me off. I pull away and glare down at her. “Don’t you fucking dare, Nell Hawthorne. Don’t you dare put this on yourself. You should never have to see shit like this coming.” She backs away, stunned and afraid by the intensity I know is radiating off me. “Colton, I just meant he’s always shown—” “Stop. Just stop right there. Granted, you should’ve never gotten involved with a douchetard like him, but that’s no excuse for what he did.
Jasinda WilderStichwörter: pain shame denial sad guilt rape self-loathing displacement blame falling nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder nell-hawthorne
I did answer. I said a little. I'm afraid of what you can do. I mean, I feel safe with you, though. I know you’d never hurt me.” I take her face in my hands. It’s too familiar, too affectionate, too soon. I can’t help it, though. “Just the opposite. I will protect you. From others and from yourself. Always.” “Why?” Barely audible. “Because I want to. Because…” I struggle to find the right words. “Because you deserve it, and you need it.” “No, I don’t.
Jasinda WilderStichwörter: hurt safe afraid falling nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder
The door slams in response, and I laugh. I'm glad she can laugh. It means she really is coping. I know she’s internalizing a lot, though. Putting on a show for me. She’ll have new scars on her wrists soon.
Jasinda WilderStichwörter: scars grief laugh coping falling cutting front show nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder cuts internalizing
I bought this place for a pittance, because it was a dump. Rejected, abandoned, unwanted. Like me. I fixed it up. Made it mine.
Jasinda WilderStichwörter: pain sadness abandoned rejected colton unwanted falling-into-you colt jasinda-wilder pittancce
I respect the hell out of her for how hard she’s working to be okay. I just wish she’d let me show her how to let go, how to let herself hurt. I want to take her pain.
Jasinda WilderStichwörter: strength pain hurt respect grief falling nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder
It’s not okay,” I tell her. This gets her attention; it’s not what she was expecting. “You don’t have to be okay.” “What do you want from me?” Her voice is ragged, desperate. “I want you to let yourself be broken. Let yourself hurt.” She shakes her head again. “I can’t. If I let it out, it’ll never stop.” “Yes, it will.
Jasinda WilderStichwörter: fear pain sadness hurt grief desperate falling broken hurting okay nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder suffereing
Let me go!” she growls. “No.” “Let me fucking go, Colton.” Her voice is tiny, scared, vulnerable, and vehement. “You let go.” “Why?” A hitch in her voice. “Because holding on to it is killing you.
Jasinda WilderStichwörter: pain killing sweet letting-go scared falling vulnerable nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder vehement
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