My thoughts are free to roam back to the way she leaned her head on my arm for a split second, as if wishing she could let herself go, let herself lean farther. But she didn't, and I can’t help but respect her for that, even I know her strength is false, propped up by the shaky girders of Old Man Jack. One day soon, those girders will collapse, and her world will crumble, and I know I have to be there when that happens.

Jasinda Wilder

Stichwörter: free thoughts collapse falling nell let-go colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder crumble jack-daniels



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Dan moans behind me, reminding her of the problem. She straightens in fear at the sound of his voice, peers over my shoulder at the chunk of bloody beef that is Dan Sikorsky. She looks slowly from him to me. “What did you do?” I duck my head, embarrassed. “I sort of lost my temper.

Jasinda Wilder

Stichwörter: funny temper lol falling nell haha colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder



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You done a number on him, Colt. He needs a doctor, or he ain't gonna make it.” “He tried to rape her, Split. Then he punched her.” “To be fair,” Nell puts in, “he only punched me after I put a knife to his throat.” Split coughs a laugh. “You what? Girl, you crazy.

Jasinda Wilder

Stichwörter: falling nell colton split falling-into-you jasinda-wilder



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Yeah. I know why she cuts. I just don’t know the seed-reason. It’s deep inside her, and it’ll take time and patience to get it out of her.

Jasinda Wilder

Stichwörter: pain reason why patience deep falling nell cutter colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder cuts



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She closes her eyes, and I can see the moisture. She’s deep-breathing again, and I notice her hands are clutched around the opposing wrists, nails digging in deep, hard, scratching. Pain to replace pain.

Jasinda Wilder

Stichwörter: pain guilt grief heartache falling cutting self-injury nell colton si scratching falling-into-you jasinda-wilder



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It wasn't supposed to. It was just supposed to stop you from hurting yourself.” “It helps—” “No it doesn't. It just pushes it away temporarily. Just like the booze.” “But I need—” “You need to let yourself feel. Feel it, own it. Then move on.” “You make it sound so easy.” Bitterness drips from each syllable. “It’s not. It’s the fucking hardest thing a person can do.” I smooth a damp strand out of her face and away from my mouth. “It’s the hardest fucking thing. It’s why we drink and do drugs and fight. It’s why I play music and build engines.

Jasinda Wilder

Stichwörter: words music drinking grief fighting feeling bitterness coping relief feel falling hurting cutting nell colton cope falling-into-you jasinda-wilder



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I should have seen it coming.” The words don’t surprise me, but they piss me off. I pull away and glare down at her. “Don’t you fucking dare, Nell Hawthorne. Don’t you dare put this on yourself. You should never have to see shit like this coming.” She backs away, stunned and afraid by the intensity I know is radiating off me. “Colton, I just meant he’s always shown—” “Stop. Just stop right there. Granted, you should’ve never gotten involved with a douchetard like him, but that’s no excuse for what he did.

Jasinda Wilder

Stichwörter: pain shame denial sad guilt rape self-loathing displacement blame falling nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder nell-hawthorne



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I did answer. I said a little. I'm afraid of what you can do. I mean, I feel safe with you, though. I know you’d never hurt me.” I take her face in my hands. It’s too familiar, too affectionate, too soon. I can’t help it, though. “Just the opposite. I will protect you. From others and from yourself. Always.” “Why?” Barely audible. “Because I want to. Because…” I struggle to find the right words. “Because you deserve it, and you need it.” “No, I don’t.

Jasinda Wilder

Stichwörter: hurt safe afraid falling nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder



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The door slams in response, and I laugh. I'm glad she can laugh. It means she really is coping. I know she’s internalizing a lot, though. Putting on a show for me. She’ll have new scars on her wrists soon.

Jasinda Wilder

Stichwörter: scars grief laugh coping falling cutting front show nell colton falling-into-you jasinda-wilder cuts internalizing



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I bought this place for a pittance, because it was a dump. Rejected, abandoned, unwanted. Like me. I fixed it up. Made it mine.

Jasinda Wilder

Stichwörter: pain sadness abandoned rejected colton unwanted falling-into-you colt jasinda-wilder pittancce



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