Did you just call me a numpty?"
"Yup. A delusional one."
"What, may I ask, is a numpty?"
"A person demonstrating a lack of knowledge of a situation; a silly person; an idiot; a dumbass. A delusional numpty: Joss Butler’s stupid, idiotic, blind misconception of the true nature of her relationship with my brother, Braden Carmichael." She glowered at me, but it was an Ellie glower so it didn't really count.
I nodded my head. "Numpty. Good word."
She threw a cushion at me.
Sex and holidays."
"Uh, what?"
"I'm making a list of things that make you agreeable."
I scoffed, pushing my foot into his leg. "And all you got is sex and vacations?"
"The length of the list is not my fault."
"Are you saying I'm disagreeable?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Woman, how stupid do you think I am? You really think I'm answering that? I want to get laid tonight."
I pushed him harder. "Watch it, or you might get laid to rest."
Braden threw his head back and laughed.
Stichwörter: humor funny sex-humor
So those are your roommates, eh? What're the odds of having three gay-or-at-least-bi guys in one house, do you think?"
"Who knows. Just too bad I couldn't have used those odds to win the lottery instead."
"You did win the lottery. The gay roommate lottery."
Rob turned his attention to his cereal. "I don't consider it a win unless I'm getting laid out of it.
SWAT? For me?" Still trembling, one hand clung to the ambulance gurney, the other held a massive sterilised cotton wool wad under my nose.
"Tactical Support was busy. You got Dennis and Arlo," said Harry, speed-reading the papers he'd snatched from inside my jacket.
Closest his hands had been to my chest in a long time.
"Which one broke my nose?"
"That'd be Dennis.
Stichwörter: murder funny mystery crime suspense intelligent thriller contemporary police psychological psychiatrist magical-realism serial-killer murder-mystery dark-humour fast-pace chandleresque criminal-profiler strong-female-character
I was even starting to relax—a little—until he took me to his parents' house for dinner. I've never met two people more in need of a divorce. They bickered and fought all evening. Royce said that's how they express their love. I don't believe him. I mean, please. You tell me if you feel the love from this conversation (written word for word as I remember it):
Linda: Elliot, be a dear and get me another drink.
Elliot: Get it yourself.
Linda: Get up and fix me a drink, you lazy man.
Elliot: Woman, don't push me on this. I've finally gotten comfortable.
Linda: (sugary sweet smile) I'll push you only when you're standing on a bridge.
Elliot: If I were standing on a bridge and saw you coming, you wouldn't have to push me. I'd
jump.
See? Does that sound "loving" to you?
Stichwörter: funny bickering cute-love older-couples
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