SHUT UP!...PADDLE!
Ridley PearsonStichwörter: humorous
Graham Chapman, co-author of the "Parrot Sketch", is no more. He has ceased to be. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. He's kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky. And I guess that we're all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, of such capability for kindness, of such unusual intelligence, should now so suddenly be spirited away at the age of only forty-eight, before he'd achieved many of the things of which he was capable, and before he'd had enough fun. Well, I feel that I should say: nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, I hope he fries. And the reason I feel I should say this is he would never forgive me if I didn't, if I threw away this glorious opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him but mindless good taste.
(He paused, then claimed that Chapman had whipered in his ear while he was writing the speech):
All right, Cleese. You say you're very proud of being the very first person ever to say 'shit' on British television. If this service is really for me, just for starters, I want you to become the first person ever at a British memorial service to say 'fuck'.
Stichwörter: death humour funny monty-python humorous funeral funeral-speech graham-chapman john-cleese
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We nearly had our asses handed to us in a sling by a bunny rabbit?
A.J. CulpepperStichwörter: humorous
We're going to the Underworld," Izzy said. She bounced a little as she said it, her eyes bright and her tone implying that "the Underworld" was akin to "Candy Land.
Rachel HawkinsStichwörter: humorous
What did Finnick Odair want?” he asks.
I turn and put my lips close to Peeta's and drop my eyelids in imitation of Finnick. “He offered me sugar and wanted to know all my secrets,” I say in my best seductive voice.
Peeta laughs. “Ugh. Not really.”
“Really,” I say. “I'll tell you more when my skin stops crawling.
Stichwörter: humorous
He crouched at the care window and looked in. "What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one." His finger jabbed the glass. "That one's a bit ugly."
The American stepped towards him. "What? What did you say?"
"Oh, don't worry. I'm sure his personality makes up for his face.
Stichwörter: humor family random insults humorous what-the-hell
Valkyrie walked to the back door, which hadn't been closed properly, shut it and locked it. There was now a baby in the house, after all. She couldn't take the chance that a wild animal might wander in and make off with Alice, like those dingoes in Australia. She was probably being unfair to both dingoes and Australia, but she couldn't risk it. Locked doors kept the dingoes out, and that's all there was to it, even if she didn't know what a dingo actually was. She took out her phone, searched the Internet, found a picture of a baby dingo and now she really wanted a baby dingo for a pet.
Derek LandyStichwörter: humor funny humorous australia precaution baby-safety child-safety dingo dingoes wild-animals
He had had a severe shock some weeks earlier, when, having narrowly failed to capture a large grey-brown hare for his dinner, it had stopped at the edge of the forest, looked at him with disdain, and said, 'Well, I hope you're proud of yourself, that's all,' and had scampered off into the long grass
Neil GaimanI swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
Derek LandyStichwörter: humor stupidity humorous insult vampire dumb-people brick-wall vampire-boyfriend
Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.
'I was trying to make up the sofa bed so you could get some rest,' he explained, and pointed to the second sofa across the room. 'Unfortunately, it would appear that that is the sofa bed, and this, apparently, is just a sofa.
Stichwörter: humor furniture mistakes humorous funny-mistakes
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