When the black thing was at its worst, when the illicit cocktails and the ten-mile runs stopped working, I would feel numb as if dead to the world. I moved unconsciously, with heavy limbs, like a zombie from a horror film. I felt a pain so fierce and persistent deep inside me, I was tempted to take the chopping knife in the kitchen and cut the black thing out I would lie on my bed staring at the ceiling thinking about that knife and using all my limited powers of self-control to stop myself from going downstairs to get it.
Alice JamiesonStichwörter: dead suicide depression zombie mental-health numb insomnia depressed unconsciousness heavy sleepless self-harm drug-abuse horror-films suicidal drug-use
Oh God just look at me now... one night opens words and utters pain... I cannot begin to explain to you... this... I am not here. This is not happening. Oh wait, it is, isn't it?
I am a ghost. I am not here, not really. You see skin and cuts and frailty...these are symptoms, you known, of a ghost. An unclear image with unclear thoughts whispering vague things...
If I told you what was really in my head, you''d never let me leave this place. And I have no desire to spend time in hell while I'm still, in theory, alive.
Stichwörter: reality weak crazy thoughts symptoms mental-health mental-illness ghost hospital cutting self-injury unreal self-harm derealization suicidal cuts frail psychiatric-hospital
He could only consider me as the living corpse of a would-be suicide, a person dead to shame, an idiot ghost.
Osamu DazaiStichwörter: fear life friendship death loneliness suicide depression social-anxiety mental-illness social-awkwardness suicidal
My father was a doctor,' she says, 'a very kind man. He died in the early '70s, relatively young.' She taps the cigarette packet on the table. 'Of lung cancer.'
'Oh.'
'But the thing about that is,' she says as she exhales, 'it doesn't take very long at all.
Stichwörter: death dying cancer death-wish suicidal die-young slow-death
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