From that day on it was as if Ren freed me from gravity. I was floating in the sky. Higher. Higher. Higher.
Ai YazawaThat overflowing feeling became love. But I don't sing for Ren's sake. I sing for myself everyday.
Ai YazawaDon't say the words I wanted to hear from Ren.
Ai YazawaWe didn't say good bye. But we knew it would be the end if we were apart. There was no reason to call or write letters. As it would have been meaningless, if we couldn't hold each other tight.
Ai YazawaThe loneliness caused by not hearing Ren's voice... I felt it deep in the night. I felt it deeper than anyone else.
Even now at times I look back. In this ordinary life without Ren, I think my life with him was like a dream.
Especially on a snowy night like this.
On a night as cold as this. Someone keep this guy warm for me, please.
The feeling that was born that night, how could i describe it?Words like love or lust just don't seem right. I may call it jealousy, or may be anxiety and moreover, need.
Even now I'm anxious at times because when I am with Ren, everything around feels like a dream. That was how Ren turned my boring life into an illusion, and that was too much for no matter how hard i tried, it seemed I could never catch him.
For my 20th birthday in March, I'll buy myself a present for doing my best. A one way ticket to Tokyo. All I need is my guitar and a pack of cigarettes.
Ai YazawaVivienne Westwood, The Sex Pistols, Seven Stars, coffee with milk and strawberry cake. And Ren flowers.
Nana's favorite things never change.
It was so cool for someone like me who keeps on changing their mind.
As expected life isn't that sweet at all.
When I came to Tokyo I thought I could achieve anything with my own two hands.
It's not like that. To get something in these hands, I have to fight a horrible fight. But... there's not much time to grab the things you want with your hands.
Why is that?
And more importantly what is that I want?
At that time I told myself that I didn't want to fall in love ever again. But that night while praying for your happiness Nana, I thought that despite all the wounds and all the pains it could cause I wanted to dream again, and love someone with all my heart.
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