VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
Ambrose BierceTags: humor
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Ambrose BierceGEOLOGY, n. The science of the earth's crust --to which, doubtless, will be added that of its interior whenever a man shall come up garrulous out of a well. The geological formations of the globe already noted are catalogued thus: The Primary, or lower one, consists of rocks, bones or mired mules, gas-pipes, miners' tools, antique statues minus the nose, Spanish doubloons and ancestors. The Secondary is largely made up of red worms and moles. The Tertiary comprises railway tracks, patent pavements, grass, snakes, mouldy boots, beer bottles, tomato cans, intoxicated citizens, garbage, anarchists, snap-dogs and fools.
Ambrose BierceTags: garbage
Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
Ambrose BierceTags: definition
Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit it is the first.
Ambrose BiercePray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.
Ambrose BierceTags: humor universe definition
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Ambrose BierceTags: education
You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
Ambrose BierceTags: inspirational
Miss, n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh.
Ambrose BierceHash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.
Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.
Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
Tags: humor inspiration definition
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